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(instantly realizes his Freudian slip, tries to recover with:) Barbara's mams. Alan: Oh, (laughs), you must be Boobra's mom. Charlie: Yeah, and I'm king of the traffic doughnuts.
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Harper's office." Charlie: So right off the bat, I lie? Alan: I am a doctor, Charlie. Alan: OK, now all you have to do is sit here, and when the phone rings, pick it up and say, "Dr. What do you think? Charlie: I would have killed myself ten and a half years ago. Charlie: So this is where you come every day, huh? Alan: Yep, for eleven years. Alan: Well, unfortunately, times have changed, and we no longer live in a Porky's movie. Alan: You actually did that? That's horrible! Charlie: No, the horrible part was stealing the dog from the blind kid. Charlie: Oh, for the good old days, when you could wander into a girls' locker room pretending you were blind. Charlie: For a silly drawing? Alan: It's considered sexual harassment. Alan: The girl went home in tears, her mother is on the warpath, and Jake could get expelled. Charlie: OK, I'm no expert, but that sounds a lot like grinding. Alan: I just have to accept the fact that I- I can't count on anyone, least of all an emotionally immature narcissist who thinks that the sun rises out of his navel and sets in his scrotum, and only cares about what lies between the two. Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover Charlie: I'm sorry, I-I should have picked up the phone. When you're in my house, when you're out with me, and especially when we're around women, you will be adorable. Jake: I don't want a play date with some stupid kid just so you can have sex with her!Ĭharlie: I get that you're growing up, that your body's changing, that your emotions are in flux, but the important thing you need to keep in mind is that. BECAUSE YOU DON'T NEED TO CALL THE GUY! It's a simple adjustment that any idiot can do, and yes, I know this idiot fell off the roof, but it was after I fixed it all by myself, NO GUY!Ĭharlie: So, uh, Betsy, maybe we can get the boys together for a little play date sometime. Mona: Well, why didn't you just call the guy? Alan: You wanna know why I didn't call the guy? I'll tell you why I didn't call the guy. Mona: What happened to you? Alan: I was fixing a satellite dish and I fell off the roof. Jake: Why do you say "freakin'"? I know what you mean. Jake: Where are we, anyway? Charlie: It's called Watts. Jake: This isn't the Clucky's my mom takes me to. Charlie: How come? Alan: Look at me, Charlie! I have abrasions, contusions, a severely sprained neck, two fractured fingers, and I'm hopped up on pain pills! Does that spell "weekend dad" to you? Charlie: Well, actually, to me it spells "weekend in Bangkok with two Olympic gymnasts". Weekend in Bangkok with Two Olympic Gymnasts Alan: Do me a favor and call Judith and tell her not to bring Jake over. 20 Always a Bridesmaid, Never a Burro.4 Your Dismissive Attitude Toward Boobs.2 Principal Gallagher's Lesbian Lover.
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